ducky!

i can't stop puking, throwdown is in like a day, i've had this headache for the whole intire day, i never wanna drink again, bens bringing me soup & were gonna watch a movie, i had to take off of work today because i'm too sick to go in, my hoodie came, i feel bad because i promised ryan we'd hang tonight since we haven't in a while & now i can't because my mother wont let me leave anywhere. my phone ran out of service i have to refill it tomorrow & hopefully i get my paycheck on saturday. my dad's totally going to flip a shit when he sees my moms credit card bill & that we spent like 80 bucks on red lobster.

well bens here, i'll update later.
baaai

I DONT WANT TO JINX ANYTHING SO IM KEEPING MY LIL MOUTH SHUT :x

i got a job, i was suppose to start training today. well the manager said he would call me tonight if he wanted me to come in becos he wasnt sure if it was going to be good night for it. but hopefully i actually did get it and he's not one of those managers that says their gonna call you back and then just never do..


hmmm tonight has been one of the first nights in a few that i actually am just sitting home not really doing much, i kindof like it. it gives me sometime to myself :)

i want to go to the beach, or i atleast want a nice sunny day to come so i can tan :).

im hanging out with jill alot athough i do miss sammii and i do miss chris becos he and i arent the same anymore. i try to text him as much as possible but most of the time he doesnt respond. i guess things are going downhill and i need to accept it. bryan and i have been hanging out quite a bit :) i like it.

someone stole my debit card, or maybe i left it somewhere idk. but it's gone >.< o well?!

tonight im hot tubbin' with sammii and alex. i bought a new bathing suit im excited to wear it hahah it's just all white and its a regular bathing suit but whatever haha whites the shit. :*

bye.

i guess everything is fine..
i kind of wish chris and i were a bit closer, like i thought we would be. but whatever.
it's so funny when people say "aren't you little lauren?" hahah.
i'm not little at all..

i lost 3lbs lol!

everything is so fucking wonderful lately hahaha i love itttt.

lately i haven't done that much. hugnout with sammii for like the past week. today i was suppose to wash ryans car with him but i guess were not??! and tomorrow i mgiht be going to the beach with jilllll. i'm almost certain we are but she said she hasn't been feeling well lately, and neither have i. so i dunno. i've been sick for like the past 2 weeks, and it's crazy.

hangout with chris either tomorrow or sunday. im sikedddd<3
snugglefest2k8, scarey movies, car snuggles, kissing at red lights, rice crispy treats, scoopy snacks, i am legend (again for me), and more.

way to be real fucking exciting!
<33333333333333.

i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know.

I have a feeling this is going to be the loneliest christmas I've had in years.
I've had a boy on christmas for the past few years. I'm sad.
What a depressing entry.

I've been listening to this christmas song by the maine all night.
It makes me even more sad.

"ho-ho-hopefully this holiday will make us believe that, we're exactly where were supposed to be. and were ho-ho-hoping that, we'll all come back and as a matter of fact i know we're exactly where we're supposed to be...together by the christmas tree. baby i want you alone."

I don't know what to think right now.
I'm going to hate this entry in about an hour.

it's so weird to think that 2&1/2 months ago bryan and i couldn't get enough of eachother.
and now we don't even talk anymore. i'm doing pretty well with this whole thing, though.
i'm surprised...

this song makes me cry fuckkk.
i think i need a good cry though. i haven't had one in like a fucking month hahaha.

hangin' with hector on friday. i'm stoked. he's fucking cute as hell.

i wish i could find someone i really like, someone worth my time.
or maybe just a really good friend, cause that'd be nice too!

"I like serious relationships and a girl like me don't stay single for long. 'Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break-up, my world is crushed and I'm all alone, The love bug crawls right back up and bites me. And I'm back"

so good, so trueee.

i think this is the happiest i've been in the last 2 months, maybe.
and i have no fucking clue why. i love it though.



hungout with nilly today, then jill came over. then i put up more decorations. was gonna hang with ryan but didn't, took 417 pictures today and i've been in the greatest mood ever. OH, and i'm eating watermelon as well. life couldn't get any fucking better hahaha.

i just realized how much of an idiot bryan is for losing me LOL.
it's going to be hella hard for him to find someone who loved him like i loved him.
he ran away from the one who loved him best and that's just dumb.
g00dluck~


i've noticed it doesn't get to me now like it would have a week ago.
and right now i also don't think i like anyone at the moment.
just little crushes and it's a good thing. :}
as much as i want a boifriend, i'm taking my time to find one.
i'm a little scared to start a new relationship now though, and that's really fucking sucky.

i want a relationship like cesar and kelly.
or like jamie and val.
or like my last one, without the shitty ending.

this song by paramore (ew pukes) is actually really cute.

LOL 2 years later and boca is still just alllll fucking drama.
zach can kiss my fuckin' ass.
ian can kiss my fuckin' ass.
boca can kiss my fuckin' ass.
ridiculous, immature little bitches.


hung out at ryans house until about 1 last night.
went to the mall with sammii today. i was gonna go to a talent show thing but didn't.
that's all.

i just bought a new casey jones shirt.
and i bought a terror shirt yesterday.
and i'm waiting for my love is the movement shirt to come in the mail :]


i'm very satisfied.
i need to go jean shopping.
i'm freezing.


i told myself last night that today i was just going to lay in bed all day watching movies but that already fucked up cos i went to the mall with ben.

i'm listening to midtown right now. i love jill, i miss her.
tomorrow i might go to sachas house & watch his little brother with him. i honestly hate his name its sounds like hes suppose to be a girl. it's crazy with him cause he's fucking YOUNGER than me and he likes me a lot. saturday i might wash ryans car and we're going to make a gingerbread house with little gingerbread men also :} then sunday i have no idea.

i wish kris would stop working so much and come bring me the new sidekick. it's getting hard to have the money on me and not spend it!
bye!

everything is fine lately. everything.
except for my stupid ass family thinking i'm a complete bitch hahah cos i can be.
JUST DON'T PISS ME OFF AND I WONT BE.

i don't remember what I've been doing? only some.
someday i went out with ben and we went to gamestop then i went to bryans.
then another day i went out with ben and we picked up his paycheck then went to his house and played gh.
then i hung out with nil and we saw American gangster one day.
then i hung out with ryan and we saw Beowulf then went to his house some day.
then the next day i hung out with ryan and we got lunch then he went to the work then after work went to his house.
then the yesterday i hung out with ryan and we saw awake then went to his house.
& today I'm not sure, i might help ryan with his homework to hangout for a bit before he goes to his daddy's.

december 21st i'm going to see ps i love you with hector!
i'm stoked.

haven't done that much lately.

went over bens the other night and played wii :] i'm gonna get one for christmas instead of a 360, i'll get the 360 some other time. & i'm gonna get an lx, instead of the d-wade sidekick too. :] i'm excited. eddy and i are sidekick gauge buddies. which reminds me, i need to buy my next size for gauges! it's taking me so long to get to what i want hahah.

christmas is going to be good. i'm going to make it good. i wish i could see snow, but that's not going to happen. so i'm going to make the best of this christmas :}


yesterday i went to subway and picked bens dad up with him. his dads so funny hahah. i need to go shopping so badly. i need jeans! hollister hunnay here i come! & maybe some cheap jeans that i can cut into my knee jeans, too :]

i met kris last night! he gave me his shirt hahaha awww.

i'm going to see the mist in an hour with bryan. i'm pretty stoked, this movie looks sick. i'm suppose to be going to the show tonight too but i honestly doubt that.

my dads leaving for the keys on monday and isn't coming home everyday, he said he might come home a day or two but other than that he's staying there :[ wahhh i don't want him to leave.

OH AND SOME BULLSHIT FOR THIS ENTRY TOO !
i found out that bethany blocked me off AIM and deleted me off her myspace hahaha. wuddabitchseriously i didn't even do anything, she's retarded. everyone thinks she's being so stupid, which she is! but she needs to realize that once shes ready to come crawling back to me, i'm not going to just open my arms and let her in again because if she could just throw our friendship away over NOTHING AT ALL, then who knows when she'll decide she wants to do that again. and who wants to be close to someone who might just leave at any moment? exactly.

i'm going to work for my sister for $$$ on the 30th. i'm pretty stoked actually. i told her i wouldnt use it on myself but i need to get 120 for the sidekick i'm going to buy from peter. it's brand new in the box and everything. i'm going to give my old one to bryan if he wants it with the button broken. :]


bye!

2007 has been no doubt the most terrible year i've ever experienced. i'm so fucking excited for this shitty ass year to be over and done with and hardly ever be remembered again.

except for bryan and i being together for most of it & jamie and val, this year can suck my dick.

today was shit. i didn't do anything all day.
i need to refill my sidekick and i'm bored as fuck.


atleast this band is good.

november 13!
so today bethany told me that she thinks her and i should take a break from eachother or some shit. and i don't know why but whatever, apparently her and i were never best friends if she can just throw our friendship away on nothing. i think zach, douchebag, told her that i called her a slut and shit when i didn't. i specifically said to him that i don't want him to think i'm calling her a slut cos i don't think that and everything else. what a bitch, whatever.

didn't really do anything today. hungout with myself haha. went to the walk to get jamba with sammii around 5. came home around 7. hungout with myself some more. i'm waiting to see the new a shot at love now! i love steven forever!

i have a date on saturday. and this weekend we're going to miaamiiii<3 what!

Saturday nov 10,
happy birthday nanny RIP<3
this boy jamie wanted to chill and so he came and picked me up around 2 and we went back to his house. quite frankly he was trying to fuck me and i wouldn't let him so he got all stupid about that. we fell asleep for like an hour and then around like 6 he took me home. then bryan was in the coldasack waiting for me and i went to the mall with him, he didn't end up buying anything but a slice of pizza. then he took me home and i chilled in my room for a while and then around 1am kevin came over and we hungout outside til like 3am. then he left, i went inside, text messages and tmails then bed.

Sunday 11/11!
happy birthday daddy and kris!
woke up and did things for kris's birthday until like 1. my dad was at my grandmas like almost the whole day and so my brother, my mom and i all went and bought him a new flat screen tv & went out to sushi. they dropped me off because max was going to come pick me up and it was like 7. my mom said my dad wouldn't be getting home until like 10 so i figured it was okay until when i got home, my dad came home. i felt terrible because i went into the garage and was like "BIRTHDAY BOYYY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY !!!" and gave him a hug and a kiss and was like "are you going to be up for a while? my friends here to pick me up and i wanna hangout with you tonight!" and of course he said he would be up but i came home around like 10:15 and had to get my stuff to sleepover max's so i felt completely terrible that i didn't see my dad for more than 10 minutes on his birthday. i came home today and was gonna ask my dad if he wanted to do something with me but he's working :\ the sleepover @ max's went okay until bethany started in with her little attitude towards me because she hooked up with this boy, kevin, that i'm talking to and she's getting all pissy about it. i find it completely ridiculous though because she doesn't have any intrest in him at all & didn't date him or anything and is intirely interested in a different boy so why the hell shouldn't i talk to kevin. i've finalized my decision to stop being the nice, good friend because all my friends always take such advantage of that and apparently it's getting me nowhere. my whole life i've based my actions and feelings on what my friends wanted and what was best for my friends and i don't get an ounce of sympathy or respect back so whatever treat me like dirt, i'll treat you the same way back. get over itttt.

TODAYYY i have not done anything at all yet except come home from max's. i need to go get kitty litter though :x and might hangout with john and sammii tonight. but i don't know. i'll update later ofcourse.

BYE!

went to the walk last night with sammii and ben and met up with one of bens friends. the kid was such a faggot i was so annoyed the whole night. he tried to be so funny and it was just making him look like a complete idiot. middle schools over it's time to grow up a little bit dude. i mean like being funny and messing around is fine but the shit he thought was funny was just immature retarded shit. my night sucked last night i hardly said anything the whole night. then bryan stopped by after work and we just hungout outside until like 2AM or something. that was it.

today so far bryan came by for like 5 minutes and we talked about hollister. then he had to go because he was going to the mall or something. so that was fun i guess. i'm going to bens in a little bit with lawrence and idk what were going to do but whatever.

i've realized it's completely pointless for bryan to keep coming over and us to cuddle and kiss and have sex and act as if nothings different, but flirt and be all eee!! with other people. it's completely ridiculous and i'm going to try as hard as i can to not kiss him and cuddle and shit because if we're going to do that, what the hell is the point in being broken up. it's just making me think somethings going to happen that isn't. so that's that.

and i've given up chicken as well, i don't care what my mom says. NO more chicken, not even once a week. nevereveverververver. i'm going to be making a smoothie everyday with protien powder in it and stuff instead. so that's a plus. i'm so proud of myself!

END OF TONIGHT, NOV9;
went to the walk with bethany and met up with max. went into barnes and nobel and read these really cool "secrets" books. then met up with zach and hungout by jamba for a little. then we went to lazer fun for the show but we didn't go inside because we didn't wanna see the show, we just wanted to chill with people. turns out not as many people, as we though, were there. saw jeremy for the first time. said hi. blah. went to dunken donuts and got 2 donuts and a slushy thingy. then we all went to the gas station and got some snacks and a 2 liter of sprite. we went down wiles all the way were it was darkkkdark and looked at stars and jsut chilled for a while it was actually really cool. then we all went home haha and now i'm alone :[

bethany was suppose to sleepover tonight but her mom wouldn't let her cause she has to get up early and shit tomorrow for something. i'm still trying to make plans for tomorrow and on sunday all of us might go to broos room and shit. & bethany might either sleepover tomorrow, or sunday instead.

OH AND SUNDAYS KRIS'S BIRTHDAY TOO!